i'm sorry you and your partner are having this difficulty. i don't think it's selfish at all to miss the physical component of your relationship, especially when it sounds like it was part of your relationship before. i don't think it is at all unreasonable to want to have a consensual and healthy sex life in a romantic relationship.

i would, however, advocate against using "heavy-handed persuasion" in relation to sex 'cause that could lead to icky situations.

i hope you're able to figure this out. have you tried talking to him recently about this topic?